It’s been a year almost to the day since I last posted on this personal website of mine. I’ve tried writing but found that I had marginally better luck reading. So I took some time off of everything except my little family. I’ve tried new foods, tried new strategies, tried to escape from pain and then finally learned that I better just deal with it.
Spent a lot of time with the doctors and didn’t get the help I was looking for - but that’s the U.S. health care system for you.
So I am starting again. Starting writing, starting to read more, starting to learn more. Exercise is important to me and I have been off and on again been in the gym to try my best. I lost a lot of weight and was feeling pretty good until I started a medication the doctor swore was going to make me lose weight and instead gained it all back and plus some when I had to stop taking it. I am now on a journey to loose 100 pounds. Its a nice round number and I feel that being able to break it down into groups of tens will help me keep focus and not feeling so helpless.
Writing my novel has come in fits and starts too. I went a solid brick of time without touching it and then only coming back to it to revise and change things. So it sits stagnant, waiting for me to pick up the keyboard again and have a go at it. I’m working on a day to day schedule that should help me achieve that shortly.
I just don’t feel all that confident anymore - and that’s a big reason why it’s taken me so long to even write this. With my confidence gone its easy to sit and wallow in misery when I would be better off being productive.
I’ve also become really addicted to Starbuck’s Cold Brew coffee. Any Flavor. Doesn’t matter. Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew is my seasonal favorite at the moment. If they had a peppermint mocha cold brew I’d be all over that like a duck on a June bug. Yes I know there are other coffee places that are better tasting and better for the environment and whatnot - just let me be lazy.
Also, fun fact. In my household, we call them Star-Schmucks. Why? My grandfather used to tell me that you’d have to be a schmuck to buy an $8 cup of coffee. So be it - we are a household full of schmucks because we love this shit. Maybe I’ll get brave and venture out to a new local coffee place and try some of their coffee.
Our children have started the new school year and have been training in kickboxing and MMA for the last two months. The kids even got to compete in their first grappling competition! They won 2nd place (both of them)! I have never seen my kids more dedicated and focused than I have these last two months. My mom and dad came to the event and yelled and hollered like the rest of us parents. Even Boyfriend’s parents and one of his brothers came and they looked thoroughly impressed with our kids. It was a great family event and I am really happy everyone came out.
The training for the kids is pretty intense for beginners which has been awesome. Every day Monday through Friday training starts at 5:30pm and ends a hour later. Then they have a smaller private instruction on Saturday mornings at 10:30am. It’s alot of gas on the truck since we live about 25 minutes away, but the kids love it.
Daughter walks tall and unafraid amongst all the fighters and coaches at the gym. I haven’t seen that level of confidence in her before, but I know when it started. For those that don’t know - my daughter doesn’t like men in general. She has always been timid and afraid of being around men in public. I won’t go into why. She just is. But since starting at this gym - one of the best in the country - she was put in grappling matches with boys in her age group. The first match she won was a game changer for her. It was her awakening. She went from asking, “Momma why is there so many men here?” to “Momma, did you see me take down that guy? I didn’t let him beat me.”
I know mija. I am so incredibly proud of you.
And as for Son - he has been coming home tired and able to sleep much better. He goes against all the kids and wins some and looses others and doesn’t get mad about it. These kids and the coaches and other grown fighters have become his people. He looks forward to seeing them every day and we have seen a big change in his ability to focus. He tries really hard to not let the ADHD and the ODD to interfere with his training times. Does he have areas he struggles in - yes. But he is showing us dedication and strength and I regularly tell new parents coming into the gym that this was the best move we could have possibly made.
Ok, its almost time for the kids to go train. I’m gonna finish my starschmucks and pretend its not too late in the day for me to have coffee. I hope everyone has a great day!
~A